My eighty-seven-year-old mother-in-law came to live with us. She came at our
invitation for the thought of her in a facility was not appealing to my husband or
me. He is an only child. We want her here. Yet, she really doesn’t know what she
wants. She loves seeing her son and that makes me happy. However, “I don’t
know” is her go to answer for most questions.
This once vibrant, attractive, God-fearing lady doesn’t seem to care if she has a
bath, if she gets out of bed or if she goes to dialysis. Many of you may relate to
this attitude from your Imperfect Grand and some of you may not. How much is
too much to require of them? Physically, she should be able to stand and yet she
repeatedly says, “I can’t! I can’t! Oh, me!.” (This is the drama I referred to
earlier.) I repeatedly say, “Yes you can!” while pulling her into the wheelchair, the
potty chair, and the car.
Our family didn’t talk about depression. We carried on as if nothing was wrong.
No matter what life brought our family, we tackled each issue. I thought we
dealt with the issue. I’m beginning to see we carried on in the face of struggles
and never dealt with many of them. In light of this, I do not deal with drama well.
I am the “I Think I Can” (with God’s help) girl.
At the end of a very tumultuous week, Friday was successful. Or, it was for me!
My husband was home and helped me wash her hair. I covered her in black
garbage bags to protect her dialysis port and my husband brought pitchers of warm water for me to rinse as she bent over the Tupperware Cake top that had
been hers. Yes, the one she always put her famous cream cheese pound cake in.
The pound cake she gave me her recipe for. The pound cake I bake when our son,
her grandson comes home. The pound cake I take to pot-luck meals.
Her body may not function as it once did. In the grand scheme of life, she needs
us now more than ever. Will she stop saying, “I can’t?” I don’t know. I do know
we are her family and the Bible charges us to care for our loved ones.
Anybody reading this relate? While we are all imperfect creatures created in
God’s image, He has a plan for each of us. God has a perfect plan for His imperfect people.
He has a plan for my mother-in-law even though she doesn’t think so.
We had another accomplishment Saturday. She sat in bed and
played Skip-Bo with my husband and me. Winning the second game! She has
always been very competitive and her smile in victory was the salve my heart
needed. Just like her smile when she looked in the mirror after I’d washed and
styled her hair. She looked like herself which was the encouragement I needed in
the face of a week filled with up-hill struggles.
Struggles are necessary to grow in our journey with Christ. Each day is new. It is
His gift to us and I must trust Him. My mother-in-law must trust Him. I must
look for His mercies. In the Bible’s book of Lamentations, God tells us His
mercies are new each morning. Psalm 30 reminds us that joy comes in the
morning! No matter what your struggles are God has an answer. He has a plan. He
doesn’t promise immediate answers. He promises in His word to never leave us or
forsake us.
I’m glad you are sharing this journey with me as we look at depression. My family
called it the ‘D’ word. In our society, we hear the word depression often. Join me
next post as we begin our walk into this disease called depression which knows no
age barrier.
Until We Meet Again
1. Look for small accomplishments or successes to encourage your Grand Imperfection and yourself as the Caregiver.
2. Have no expectations.
3. Say, “I Love you!” many times a day.
4. Pray, Pray, PRAY! Above all else, take your requests to the throne of Grace. Please sign our prayer page with any requests you are comfortable sharing so we may share your concerns and join you in taking your requests to the Lord.
I am thrilled you are following my blog, Imperfectly Grand. Imperfectly Grand will
guide you and inspire you to keep your family connected through life’s struggles
and triumphs. If you have friends who need to look at Depression with us, have them join my blog as well!
More coming…
Take Care Because God and I Care,
Judy
